Why I Am So Closed Off
by silentanner90
Summary: JD wants to know why Dr. Cox targets him for insults most often, and Dr. Cox tells him the story of Alex Erickson, the JD before JD. Based in Season 1.


John Dorian walked confidently down the 1st floor East Hallway of Sacred Heart Hospital, then abruptly stopped and shook his head.

"_If I look too confident, Dr. Cox won't take me seriously; he knows I'm not confident. I should try casual."_

He began walking again, but this time it was more of a stroll. He walked like this for some time, but eventually halted again.

"_Wait a minute, if I look too casual, he'll assume it's unimportant and not even listen. What if I try cocky?"_

When he started up this time, JD was walking with a swagger, as if he was the greatest person on Earth. Naturally, he soon stopped again.

"_No, that's not good either. Dr. Cox thinks __he's__ the greatest person on Earth. If I look too cocky, he'll get pissed of and berate me. I'm not in the mood for a fifth rant today. I don't know what to do, though if I take too long, he might go home, so I'll just walk normally while I think of how to walk in."_

JD continued to walk, pondering how to catch Dr. Cox's attention the best. This was important. He walked for some time, not coming up with anything.

"_Nothing at all. It's like I'm hitting a wall here."_

THUD! JD fell backwards, hitting the ground hard. He looked up to see he really had hit a wall.

"Well that's ironic," JD stated to no one in particular.

As he was rubbing his bruised head and getting up, Dr. Cox walked out of the Doctor's Lounge. He stared at JD, confused.

"Newbie, did you actually just walk into that wall?"

"Uhh, I was lost in thought."

"What were ya thinking about? Oh wait, let me guess. Probably how good that…"

JD cut him off. "Dr. Cox, hold it. We need to talk."

"Fine, Newbie. Let's go sit so you don't faint from the excruciating bruise pain."

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Once they had gotten settled in the Doctor's Lounge, Dr. Cox asked JD what he needed.

"Why are you so closed off? And don't give me some bullshit answer. I want the truth"

"I don't know, Cynthia, maybe it's because my dad was an abusive alcoholic and my mom enabled him. Or maybe it's because one of my best friends slept with my wife 5 years ago and ended my marriage. But who knows? I could just be a… whatever you call those crazy guys who cut themselves and wear super tight pants."

"That can't be all. I mean, you're much more closed off towards me than anyone else. Why choose me?"

"Because you're a girl."

"Seriously, Dr. Cox."

"Fine. Do you want to know the real reason?"

JD nodded.

"I haven't talked about this in two years, but I'll tell you a story about a slightly older version of you."

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A/N – The rest of the fic will be told from Dr. Cox's POV.

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My good friend and apprentice, Pete Fisher, had just had sex with my wife, effectively ending my marriage. For some reason or another, he decided that Jordan was so damn good in bed that he'd become too good to work in a hospital (these are his words not mine) and "upgraded to Private Practice". In my opinion, he sold his soul to the devil, but at least he had gotten out of my hair. On his last day, I decided to be the guy to close the door behind him because it sounded like one hell of a time, so I secretly followed him to the door.

I succeeded in closing the door behind him, but kept my foot there just in case the tiny bastard decided he had forgotten something or wanted to have goodbye sex with Jordan in the closet, but instead some idiot walked into the door. He looked a bit like you, scrawny and girl-like, though he had blonde hair. For some reason, I decided to check on him, and it turned out he was an intern of mine named Alex Erickson.

I ended up becoming good friends with him over the next few years, and confided in him all of my problems and such. His personality was similar to yours; he wrote in a journal every day, and was always daydreaming, though unlike you, he loved sports. I guess that's what made him tolerable. New Year's Eve of 1998, Laverne had a party at her house, and everyone got drunk besides Alex. He went to leave at about 2:00 AM, but his car was out of gas.

He came back inside and told me, so I insisted on driving him home. He continually said that he would drive my Porsche, but I refused, and he eventually allowed me to drive. You can guess what happened next. At 2:16 AM, on January 1st, 1999, I lost control and veered into the opposite lane. I spun out, and a truck bashed into the passenger side of the car. My airbag popped out at that second; his didn't: it was defective. At 3:57 AM, Dr. Alex Erickson was declared dead in Sacred Heart Hospital. I suffered no severe injuries, except for the huge emotional scar. I killed him, Newbie. I killed him.

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**If I get a lot of reviews, I'll extend the story to how Dr. Cox deals with Alex's death. Otherwise, this is complete.**


End file.
